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EMOTIONS, part  5 - Love  In  Problem  Marriages  quotes

1)    The Emotion of Love Dealing With Unfaithfulness in the Marriage

      If your spouse has been unfaithful in your marriage, then how can you manifest the true noble kind of the emotion of love, and not the wrong kind?

     “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” Romans 7:2-3.

     “And I saw, when for all the causes whereby...Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce”. Jeremiah 3:8.

     “Return, thou backsliding Israel, saith the LORD; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the LORD, and I will not keep anger for ever.  Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the LORD thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every green tree, and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the LORD...for I am married unto you...Surely as a wife treacherously departeth from her husband, so have ye dealt treacherously with me.  A voice was heard upon the high places, weeping and supplications of the children of Israel [or in other words, they were asking forgiveness]: for they have perverted their way, and they have forgotten the LORD their God.  Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings.” Jeremiah 3:12-14, 20-22.

     These verses reveal that if our spouse has been unfaithful, then we have one of two decisions to make.

          1) - We can either divorce them because of their wilful adultery.

          2) - If they are sincerely repentant, then we can fully forgive them and remain married to them.

     There is nothing wrong in making either choice, even if you choose to forever end the marriage with them.  You are not the one at fault – they are, and you should not feel guilty in making whatever choice you do.

2)    If you choose to divorce them because of their wilful adultery, then after ending the marriage with them you would be free in God’s eyes to marry another if you so choose to do so, but only in the Lord.

     “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery [except in cases where the other spouse was guilty of infidelity]....And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” Matthew 19:9; Mark 10:12.

     “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead [or has committed adultery against her and a divorce has occurred], she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39.

     These verses reveal that the only time in which a divorced spouse can remarry with God’s approval is if their previous spouse had committed adultery against them, or is dead.

3)     If you choose to forgive their adulterous sin and remain married with them,  you cannot later decide to divorce them due to their past adultery, and then seek to marry another.  Your choice to fully forgive their wilful sin and to continue in the marriage relationship means that their past sin is in the past, and it cannot be brought back up and used against them in the future in seeking to end the marriage.

     “Plead with your mother, plead: for she is not my wife, neither am I her husband: let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts; Lest I strip her naked, and set her as in the day that she was born, and make her as a wilderness, and set her like a dry land, and slay her with thirst.  And I will not have mercy upon her children; for they be the children of whoredoms.  For their mother hath played the harlot: she that conceived them hath done shamefully...then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now....
     “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.  And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt.  And it shall be at that day, saith the LORD, that thou shalt call me Ishi (or husband); and shalt call me no more Baali (or the unaffectionate title of Lord).  For I will take away the names of Baalim out of her mouth, and they shall no more be remembered by their name....And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies.  I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the LORD.” Hosea 2:2-7, 14-17, 19-20.

     In these verses we see that the Lord God was spiritually married to Israel as His wife (Jeremiah 3:14).  But she committed adultery against Him, had then separated from Him, and they were no longer united together as husband and wife.  But afterwards she decided to return back to Him and to again remain faithful only to Him.  With this decided change in her, God mercifully forgave her, renewed their marriage relationship, and also made no more mention of her past infidelity against Him.  It was as if their marriage was beginning again fresh from the start, with each promising to remain faithful to each other from that day forward.  And the same with you if you make that same decision.

4)     What are you to do in the situation where your spouse left you, then married another, and then left them and returned back to you to be married again?

     “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.  And when she is departed out of his house...(and becomes) another man's wife.  And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin...” Deuteronomy 24:1-4.

     These verses reveal that if your spouse left you and then they married another, God states that you can never again be married to them, no matter how repentant they may be.

5)     The Emotion of Love Dealing With Abuse in the Marriage

     If there are various forms of mental or physical abuse occurring in the marriage, then how can we practically manifest the true noble kind of the emotion of love, and not the wrong kind of this emotion?

     “Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11.

     These verses reveal that a spouse is not required by God to always remain living with the other spouse, and this is especially true when abuse is involved.  If you believe that your mental or physical health is jeopardized by your spouse, then God does not require you to continue living with and suffering under such abuse.

     “But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye”. Matthew 10:23.

     This verse reveals that none of God's followers are to purposely jeopardize their health and lives by remaining in a place where others are intent on causing them harm.  As this is true, then it is also not God’s will for any of His children to purposely remain in a marriage where their spouse is intent on causing them harm.  You are a child of the King of the Universe!  And as such, you do not have to suffer under such abuse, but are completely free to leave and escape from living with such an abusive partner.

     But in choosing to leave an abusing spouse, you are not free to start a new relationship with another.  You are still married to the abuser, even though you are not living with them or may have even divorced them, and you will continue to be married to them in God’s eyes until the abusing spouse either commits adultery against you, or dies.  So if you leave the abusing spouse you must be content to either remain single, or be reconciled back to you spouse, but obviously ONLY after they are completely changed in character and will no longer seek to harm you.